you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
