i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
