between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
