hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
