Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
BRING THE BAGELS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
