MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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