not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
