Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
