Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
