I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
