forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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