This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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