Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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