I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My pussy is not your playground.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
