You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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