i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
