WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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