you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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