Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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