remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
