I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
