i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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