Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
