So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
