Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
