i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
