She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
