Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
