I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
