i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
