your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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