Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
