My Higher Power is John Stamos
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
