I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My bed smells like the plague
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