The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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