I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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