I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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