a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Holy sore nipples Batman
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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