Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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