i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
