He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I believe in your delicious
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
