I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
