He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need water and some morals
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
