um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
