forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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