I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
