Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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