Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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