Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I forget how to act sober
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
