I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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