i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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