Don't make out with my wife yet
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
