I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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