i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
