You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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