dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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