In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
