so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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