At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
